Tennis Chatter

This year’s Australian Open did not only spark some high quality tennis and story lines, it also created history by putting the subject of gender equality on a worldwide stage. No, I am not talking about the tournament prize money.

I am talking about Sandra de Jenken of France who became the first woman to umpire a men’s Grand Slam final last Sunday night at the Rod Laver Arena between Swiss Roger Federer and Chilean Fernando Gonzales. She is one of the few professional chair umpires employed by the International Tennis Federation.

Well done, Australia!

While the rest of the men went back to their drawing boards scrambling to be world No. 2, tennisdom’s reigning Zeus for 156 consecutive weeks now, Roger Federer, earned his 10th Grand Slam title by coveting his third straight Australian Open this year without dropping a set. The fleet-footed “special king�? made it all seemed so easy as usual. Like any great artist, and he truly is, we only see the finish product in motion after hundreds of hours of physical and cerebral practice and analysis off-court. The world does not see how much he works to stay on top since the hard work that tennis demands is always relegated to the backroom. He came not from any assembly line of tennis players. The very special mold was broken after he was created. It is therefore a privilege to relish the supreme presence of this once in a lifetime walking sports phenomenon among us now.

The match against Chile’s Forehand Fernando Gonzales, an Olympic doubles champion, did not disappoint. The 26-year old Gonzo fought the good fight very honorably. He took it to the Fed. And how Roger must have enjoyed the challenge especially on the crucial and tight first set. Per my tennis court associates’ line, “You made me sweat, man!�? Little sweat or not, Roger still ruled the match 7-6 (2), 6-4, 6-4 and Gonzo had to concede that with a self-deprecation that only endeared him to the 15,000 fans who packed the Rod Laver Arena Sunday night. No hint of bitterness was necessary. No “closing the gap” to hype about. There was just a simple acknowledgment of an outstanding player who plays a good match “almost all his life.” Gonzales had come a long way from his days of notoriously misfiring strokes by convincingly subverting James Blake, Rafael Nadal and Tommy Haas on the way to the final. He is now ranked world No. 5.

The one who is destined to break records, Federer became the first man in the Open era to twice win three straight majors. By winning the 2007 Australia Open, he became the first champion since Bjorn Borg in 1980 to go through a major without dropping a set. He has now tied with Jack Crawford’s record, set in 1934, of playing in seven consecutive finals at the major tournaments. Pete Sampras’ 14-Grand Slam record is just few turns along the highway of good fortune.

Distinguished as he is as a tennis player, probably the greatest personal laurel Roger has is one that he receives each day of the week — being a wonderful person even off-court.

Success breeds power. The mark of a true champion is the way he responsibly exercises that power and all its appurtenants towards his fellowmen. Roger Federer is above everything else a beautiful human being first and a great champion second.

I feel sorry for Andy Roddick. He had the worst Grand Slam experience of his young life when Roger Federer made this underdog dig his own hole during their semi-final match. Roddick crumbled to pieces with his 6-4 6-0 6-2 “practice session�? with the graceful and lethal Roger Federer. It did not help that his expression showed his inner self-flagellation. I know so much has been written and said about the Swiss guy out there that my own will just be “one of those.�? I am truly thankful everyday that I have been a witness to an era of a genuine sports role model in the person of Roger Federer. May his kind increase (I did not say duplicate, did I?) in the world. And may politicians decrease thrice as fast. I am digressing.

I am not sure if it was coincidence that the following day his rumored sweetheart Maria Sharapova suffered the same thrashing with a 6-1 6-2 death score just as she ascended to No.1 in the rankings. Maybe it was a lesson in humility on the big stage. All I can surmise is that they may have partied together later. No, maybe not exactly a pity party. Just probably a cool comparison on how many drinks they had to take to be able to sleep the agony away (alright, it probably was a pity party). Among professional tennis players, the mantra is “there is always next week�?. I doubt it for these two. Once in the books, the week is recorded as history. The only way to blur the experience a bit is to create a glorious chapter of their profession…soon preferably.

For this year’s Australian Open Ladies Singles Champion Serena Williams, the sweet and fiercely-earned victory was a testament of her colossal self-belief grounded on her talent. She has succeeded in proving people wrong. Hurrah to that! She humbled a fellow champion and hopefully it made them both better persons. What cannot destroy you can only make you stronger.

Now comes the anticipated men’s final. I am beginning to be wary of writing lines like “the most anticipated,�? or “the most awaited,�? or “an exciting match to come,�? among others, when the man on the other side of the net is The One With The Impossible Touch. Heaven forbid that the match with Chile’s Forehand Fernando Gonzalez would be an anticlimax! After all Tommy Haas was had by the affable Gonzo 6-1 6-3 6-1 in their semi-final meeting. By now it should have become a trend that for every Grand Slam final match where Federer is an opponent, all speculations should cease to avoid embarrassment. Nevertheless, always leave room for a possible surprise.

Marat Safin’s venomous branding of the Australian Open officials as pathetic (I had to repeat that one) may have left a sour taste that for once they did something right against a high profile player: fining Maria Sharapova $2550 for receiving illegal coaching. Yes, the new world number one Maria Sharapova is fined for illegal coaching signals received from her father Yuri from the stands of the Rod Laver Arena during her close quarterfinal match against fellow Russian Anna Chakvetadze.

Shame.

I do not understand why the whip against illegal coaching should turn into a public cause when it should have been a standard operating procedure in sports. Be that as it may, clearly there is a need to be more vigilant against illegal coaching in every tournament. Tennis is a sport that banners individual decision-making on court. Never mind the WTA on-court coaching experiment (they think some jokes have not gone stale yet). Why some players’ illegal coaching is overlooked for a time now is despicable. It speaks quite contrary of them being marketed as role models.

The “ultimate competitor�? tag that Sharapova has been hyped will always be a blemished title for all her incorrigible acts of breaking the rules in connivance with her father. Recall the U.S. Open and how she preempted the press and requested for a “positive�? session after her win against Justine Henin-Hardenne. The stain of that banana and fingers incident is still fresh and clear. Currently, she insists and predictably dismisses the thought (with as much intimidating stare as she could muster) that she did not see her father’s gesture. Whatever. Hey, at the end of the day any news is good news, right?

This is the reason why I pick Kim Clijsters to win their semi-final match. The difference between the two is glaring. Kim knows her priorities and executes them honorably despite people’s doubts of her open-ended pronouncements for some time. To me, she is the epitome of a fierce female tennis player.

Sharapova admits that Kim is physically stronger but added that at the end of the day the one who mentally is “a little bit tougher” will win. Of course, she can always glance at her father if the going gets tough. What?! Why for inspiration, of course!

If Kim will not let the shrieking Sharapova (and her father Yuri) dictate the match, she can blaze an unforgettable trail in Australia before she retires in domestic bliss.

Long after the nearly four-hour heroic match between Spain’s Rafael Nadal and Great Britain’s Andy Murray in the fourth round of the Australian Open, scribes had a feast writing superlatives. Curiously, headlines flashed that Nadal “grinds” to win the match, descriptive of the impressive jolt that the contest had on the audience. For Nadal is often described as a ferocious fighter with an otherworldly physical stamina but seldom called a grinder. He dictates his show especially on clay if only because he can outlast them all.

For one, the commentator of the night opened with a sweeper announcing to viewers that it would be a “swift” match. I’ll make it swifter. No comment.

I am very very excited for Andy Murray (is that obvious enough?). The floodgates of opportunity just flung widely open after the match that only good things can happen from now on if he can manage his affairs well. I am not emphasizing the material side of his sport. Being a multi-millionaire is just a corner turn for him.

Physically, I can see the fruits of his off-season efforts paying off handsomely. If he sweated during the match I did not notice. The improved physical conditioning is an important manifestation because it relates to me personally. There are times I think the words ‘great effort’ is overrated. Questions like: Really, how much is “great effort�? to get some decent results? How many hundreds of strokes should I do to bring the ball to that bloody corner? How many candles should I burn every night to digest the lessons right?

This is why I love sports because it is one domain where my two Ps — the Positive and the Possible — conspicuously emerge colorfully. When the players step into the tennis court one can observe the kinetics of the two Ps.

Going back to 19-year old Andy, there was no shame at all in losing to the world No. 2 in 6-7(3-7) 6-4 4-6 6-3 6-1. Both players displayed a lot of heart and guts. Somebody wrote before that Andy is the sloth type. I did not see any indication of that during the match. Instead I noted superb court sense and instinct which I see only in the very consistent Roger Federer. Andy showed them all why it was worth making the LTA pay for Brad Gilbert’s coaching. He unleashed his fruit salad of shots served with eclat and Rafael almost had an indigestion from figuring out his game plan. I was afraid he would twist his ankle being wrong-footed by Andy a number of times.

Kudos to Rafael! This young man was totally dauntless and relentless…again! I wanted the match to reach a fifth-set not to possibly see Andy vomit again but just to check what was left in Nadal’s pocket. Yes, Nadal always has his legs to rely on. His breathing and heart rate were probably still the same all throughout the match. He is a machine that just gets stronger as the pressure increases. He fought tooth and nail for every point as can only be expected from a great champion. As usual he was able to retrieve the irretrievable. According to a court associate of mine, either you have it or you don’t. Point well taken. Long-term scenario, however, dictates that Nadal’s very physical type of play will follow the law on diminishing returns.

Andy’s fighting spirit did not wane but his body language betrays the negativity that is not impossible to tame. Sure he talks loudly to himself on the court, shouts at himself in frustration, but why do I see it as just normal for this perfectionist lad? He painfully missed his chances in the fifth set. He knew he could have done so much better.

Andy Murray’s intelligent brand of tennis has been announced on the big stage but rest assured this is not tennis’ ephemeral commodity. He just segued from being merely a promising player to a possible Grand Slam contender in the near future…or a winner at that. He will not be brooding Murray for long. He will persist on improving (Brad Gilbert vowed on that). Soon Merry Murray will take his turn in the wheel of tennis. He will conquer himself. That is the most one can ask from one’s self.

I am not sure if Nike has a new fashion statement. When Maria Sharapova waved to fans after her interview with Jim Courier the underarm part of her white Nike jacket showed a gaping hole! I was afraid I would see the swoosh trademark but no need for that when it was all over the whole ensemble, right?

How prepared is Jim Courier in his after-match interviews with winning players? Not much. He ran out of questions with Andy Roddick. With Maria Sharapova (also rumored as Roddick’s sweetheart), his improvisation and cajoling skills were embarrassing! He quizzed Sharapova about her Costa Rican vacation during the off-season when such trivia has been all over the sports pages and internet sites since her third round match two days ago! Credit to Maria for sparing the audience a boring repetition of her post-match press conference revelation replicated ad infinitum.

His questions may be casual but they were so forgettable. What gives, Jim?

Noticeable was Sharapova’s muteness when Vera Zvonareva broke her serve to scrap 5-4 in the second set — an indication of Sharapova tightening. I observe this each moment she is threatened in any part of the match. The shrieks (yes, shrieks, not grunts!) were replaced by worried and questioning looks. Luck must be a lady Monday night for she was at Maria’s side.

Vera Zvonareva’s self-destruction was anything but a professional frustration. It was not even close to it. It was depressing to watch. For what is to be gained when you throw your racket on the floor several times and display an expression that seems to convey “Oh, somebody! Am gonna lose the match! Lose the match! Lose the match! Hu hu hu!”? The least she could have done for wasting her chances in the first set was to put up a dignified face.

Sharapova’s solid elephantine serve pulled her through coupled with well-chosen angles mostly from her forehand. Zvonareva could have matched Sharapova’s baseline rallies. But Vera was quite inconsistent. After a close first set her face showed a whining expression which did not help lift her fighting spirit and her concentration. She even forgot the protocol of holding up the new balls first for her opponent to see. Indeed, the match was also largely about body language. Despite breaking Sharapova’s serve in the second set, Zvonareva still looked dejected, not a good sign of a future champion.

Sharapova shouted her obligatory “vamos” and appeared much relieved. It was actually closer than the score shows 7-5 6-4. She will next tackle fellow Russian Anna Chakvetadze.

A friendly caveat: Prepare to switch channels once Jim Courier approaches the winner for the interview.

When asked about the outcome of the Federer-Djokovic match, some court associates of mine replied kindly:

“Huh? You have the nerve to ask?”

“Do not waste my time.”

“Never, never ask something that you already know.”

“Is this a bad joke?”

“Ask me again one more time and I will put down the phone.”

“The joke fell flat.”

Tomas Berdych of the Czech Republic is the better known half of a low-profile relationship with girlfriend Lucie Safarova. Not anymore.

Safarova just created the most talked-about upset of this year’s Australian Open. She ousted defending champion Amelie Mauresmo of France in straight sets 6-4 6-3 to take her place in the quarterfinals. At about the same time of her victory, Berdych also finished his demolition job of Russian Dmitry Tursunov 6-2 6-1 6-1 to reach the fourth round.

The 19-year old Safarova subverted Mauresmo’s confidence with her passing shots, unforgiving forehand down the line winners, and big lefty serves. Mauresmo could only loudly admonish herself.

Safarova won only one match in her six Grand Slam tournaments and it was her first time at the Rod Laver Arena. She has three Sony Ericsson WTA Tour titles under her belt so far.

The 70th-ranked player appeared to have the nerves on the second set when she produced errors for Mauresmo to save two match points. Despite the intimidating environment and a taped right leg, credit goes to Safarova for generally keeping her composure throughout the match. She will next face fellow Czech Nicole Vaidisova in the quarterfinals.

Oh yes, before I forget, her 21-year old talented boyfriend with a charming shy smile, Tomas Berdych, who has yet to drop a set in Melbourne Park, will next face No. 3 seed Russian Nikolay Davydenko.

She has been written off almost entirely. But she is hungry to reclaim her spot. So with nothing to lose, she charged into the Open with no reservations.

Serena Williams has so far defied critics and seeded players Mara Santangelo (Italy), Nadia Petrova (Russia) and, just today, the impressive Jelena Jankovic (Serbia) 6-3 6-2 to secure a quarterfinal berth.

Her movement is still sluggish compared to her old form but Serena has shown ferocity in her powerful shots (and shouts) during the week it was almost scary. Every one of her gesture showed boldness (including the earrings). Jankovic made her cover both flanks of the court, going for the lines, and that would be quite the key for Serena’s next opponent, Israel’s Shahar Peer, since her current physique now limits her agility. Of course, that did not matter in the end against Jankovic who now has a head-to-head record of 2-2 against the American.

Nothing but frustration painted the Serbian’s countenance when Williams reigned over the first set. Jankovic tried to step things up but her valiant efforts were not enough to stop the train that was Williams from running her over.

However it will turn out for Serena Williams, she already made a categorical point. She is back in the game.

Sticking to the positive and the possible, I would like to believe that Serbia’s Novak Djokovic already has an important tool in place to hold his own when he treads Federerdom at his own risk this evening at the Rod Laver Arena.

The 19-year old is on a mission with a 50-50 chance of making it. He has the confidence of a president despite coming from a tiny country. He will face Federer to win and not just to play his best tennis, he said. This young man is not ready to play a supportive role to the protagonist. He wanted a huge stage of his own. Co-existence is not in his current goal, it seems.

Last year, he was a joke in the circuit due to his range of “injuries” from breathing to eye problems during matches. This was the young man who lost two sets before he retired with a back injury during the quarterfinals against world no. 2 Rafael Nadal in Roland Garros. At the post-match press conference he had the temerity to analyze that he “dominated” the match. Hopefully we will not see any of his antics in this anticipated meeting. This will also be Roger’s significant test despite having a 2-0 record against the 14th-ranked Djokovic. After all, he once anointed this man to be the future number one in the world.

I do not brand the Serbian’s confidence as too lofty or delusional. In fact, I truly admire his self-belief. Self-belief is something that most people ought to have in their pursuit of excellence may it be in sports or in daily life.

Against the entrancing Roger Federer though, he has to show some enormous fortitude to avoid being decimated.

Oh, Marat! What is tennis without your audacity to challenge authority every now and then?

Last week’s most anticipated dogfight between American Andy Roddick and Russian Marat Safin did not disappoint. The public love the former number ones and there was an air of excitement on just who will emerge victorious. Well, there can only be one.

Andy Roddick, as he continues to write his story in this Open, came out the stronger…and calmer player. Hey, Marat is not Marat without the occasional entertainment and hyena yells. Yes, that is a staple but the match showed more.

No one gave in at first and Roddick had to work hard to claim the first set on a tie break 7-2. As expected from the 2005 Australian Open champion, Safin snatched the second set with four breaks of serve. The third set saw Roddick with a late break. He continued to impose himself in the fourth set tie break, again 7-2 in front of his youthful coach Jimmy Connors.

Prior to the start of the fourth set, rain fell and the Rod Laver Arena had to be closed and the surface dried manually. However, Safin refused to start the set because he claimed it was still wet and he would not risk his limbs on it. And did the argument continue indeed! Safin appeared too stubborn and wanted the match suspended. He glued himself to his seat like a petulant child. The tournament referee had to come out and put a lid on the lengthening discussion. After another shot at the umpire, Safin was given the expected warning on the way to his side of the court to resume play.

While the scuffle was going on, I feared for the Russian because his veins seemed about to pop out while reasoning his point. At the same time, I admire his temperament because he is one of those rare breed who can create a storm but still can almost always get away with it. His anger is generally harmless, not exactly the kind that offends the senses unless one possesses an onion skin sensitivity. In fact, his rebelliousness is almost comical which in some ways hampers the seriousness of his cause at the moment.

Nonetheless, the point has to end somehow and the match continued after he made his usual arm gesture of brushing a useless argument aside. People, if you refuse to see my obvious point, say so! — he seemed to indicate. Yes, the yada yada yada kind.

In the crucial fourth set, it was evident that the linesmen were either closing their eyes or just plain anti-Safin. A succession of bad calls against the man lovingly called “Safinator” by his fans only ignited his self-destruction. Each time Safin got back to his seat, he let the umpire (who almost never overruled a bad call against Safin but wrongly overruled one in the fourth set…what a job, don’t you think?) had a taste of his charming sarcasm. All Roddick had to do was wait calmly. I mean, why douse more gas?

Thus, it was no wonder Safin scathingly called the officials pathetic during the post-match conference. The linesmen during that match should be fired and never be given another job at a tournament again. A disgrace to the Open, indeed. Since we are on the subject of firing, why not include the umpire as well? Or at least, banish the unnecessary umpire in courts where Hawk-Eye is at work.

Although the match was characterized by ripping strokes, zinging aces, well-constructed drop shots, and mammoth serves, it was Roddick who excelled at the baseline rallies. He attacked Safin’s second serve well. Probably hampered by his chronic knee injury, Safin was less agile by the middle of the fourth set. Fatigue may have factored in since his previous matches against Germany’s Benjamin Becker and Israel’s Dudi Sela went all the way to five sets. He also injured his pinkie during the third set. Safin lost to Roddick 7-6 2-6 6-4 7-6.

The aggressive Roddick deserved the win but Safin did not deserve the linesmen and the umpire.

In tennis a player faces two battles: inside and out. He battles himself, his nerves, his mind. It does not help that there in the stadium where he enters to wide applause, awaits another player seemingly ready to pound on him…to wide applause. He battles his mind, his nerves, his body. Yes, that temple of the spirit which like any structure could break down under the flaming Melbourne sun.

World no. 15 Andy Murray knows what “unfit�? means with his eyes closed — and this is not talking about his tennis abilities. In the 2005 U.S. Open, he practically almost scattered his insides around the court during the fifth set against Andrei Pavel although at the end he courageously pocketed the match. The heart was much willing but the weak tummy and cramping legs were not especially when he was on the verge of reaching a fifth set. Short of panting, “I’ll take the fifth…on hold,�? Murray was a promising player who desperately needed a good trainer to pump his muscles. He literally wilted in five-setters despite his obvious gift.

Compromise, like equanimity, is not the Scot’s (please, he is not English!) strongest virtue. Soon after coach Mark Petchey’s term ended, he made known his own standards for his next coach. He better be someone he himself will respect. After much speculation and scrutiny, he found that in Brad Gilbert with oodles of financial help from the Lawn Tennis Association, of course. Since July last year, Gilbert’s influence over Andy Murray has been slowly manifesting from his controlled on-court demeanor (slowly, this is happening slowly, folks) to his current speed and stamina in the Australian Open. To address the fitness problem, Murray trained with Gilbert’s neighbor Olympic ace U.S. sprinter Michael Johnson last winter. It is safe to assume that Murray had a very warm winter season blazing the tracks, indeed.

In his first Grand Slam event in this long season, he showed no mercy to Spain’s Alberto Martin 6-0 6-0 6-1 (the 1 game was for Martin’s effort). He clawed his way to the last 32 by being plainly belligerent against his opponent and the frying heat, dispatching Spain’s Fernando Verdasco 7-6 7-5 6-4. He will next face Argentina’s Juan Ignacio Chela, his slayer in the first round last year at Melbourne Park.

Murray could possibly break into the world’s top ten if he reaches the semi-finals in the AO. If he could carry his composure for the long ride, use his guns smartly, this Grand Slam event, the highest that he is seeded in his young career, will somehow write a big story all over his chiseled rubicund face.

A strong wind fanned the Rod Laver Arena on Day 3 of the Australian Open.

Last year’s finalist Cypriot Marcos Baghdatis, yes, the one who pushed eventual champion Roger Federer to four sets, the one with rowdy loyalists in every match, the one with infectious smile just exited in the second round of the Australian Open. The executioner? Twenty-year old unseeded Frenchman Gael Monfils.

Monfils has been touted as one of the young guns rising in men’s tennis. He is currently training at the Bollettieri Academy in Florida and it greatly seemed to pay off with his excellent display of athleticism. He is outrageously expressive (see right photo and memorize that expression because it will be replicated for years) and lanky! One is afraid for him to break each time he slides. He looks like … like a marionette!…only with brains. His footwork has improved and he seemed like Plastic Man with his endless arms retrieving those balls.

Eleventh seed Marcos Baghdatis on the other hand had little to smile about since he could not seem to solve the French puzzle in front of him. Monfils called a trainer for an injured foot before the fourth set after Baghdatis bagged the third. All that meant nothing because Monfils just came back firing with the same level of confidence shutting out The Bagh in the fourth set to claim the match 7-6 (7-5) 6-2 2-6 6-0 and the best moment of his tennis life.

The most awaited match so far is a possible fourth round meeting between the fourteenth seed, very confident, talented young gun Serbian Novak Djokovic and the Swiss maestro Roger Federer. That would be quite a study in contrast. Let’s hope Djokovic, who defeated Spaniard Feliciano Lopez, would not invoke the right to be injured the exact moment he is cornered. The Swiss, who easily disposed of Jonas Bjorkman, will be tested on this match so it is worth the wait.

I have always been quizzical about Maria Sharapova’s family motto in action. You know, whatever you do, just win. Or that famous “It’s never enough. Bring on the money. There’s no limit to how much you can make.” Sounds like IMG with an idiot board.

During their match on Day 2 of the Australian Open, Camille Pin was serving at 30-15 when Sharapova changed her racket. After the banana incident at the U.S. Open, she has been sharpening her skills at gamesmanship (a glamorous word for cheating in sports). After a ball dropped clearly by accident from Camille Pin’s skirt she let out an expletive (due to the f______ heat, maybe). Still commentators butter up over the so-called Golden Girl. Hey, they could not call her the Fairness Girl, can they? I’ll be damn if her matches will be scheduled at night while others are not. This is a traditional politician’s way: while in power siphon all privileges as much as possible. I will bet the Sharapovs will demand a preference.

She is not a quitter, she said. What? Quit when you just endorsed and energy drink and launched a hydration program in Australia? That would be a slap to the company!

Speaking of fairness, when fines were issued left and right two of tennis’ glamorous players, Roddick and Sharapova, escaped fines for verbal abuse. That would have been easy to do. In the end, organizers kowtow to the dough-providers. Hey, that’s commercial life.

Sharapova should not be hyped as a teenager anymore since she has learned the ways of the world and pretty much adapting to it long after Wimbledon while being polished with glamour and sassiness. She is the future, they say. There is no doubt at all about her “working her butt off.�? Who does not want to reap the rewards of that?

But not all that glitters is gold.

Who on earth can bloody play his or her best under 35 degrees of heat?!!!!! Had it reached 40 degrees the heat waves could have even penetrated Maria Sharapova’s strong constitution and melted it to tidbits at the Rod Laver Arena.

A free lunch is not Sharapova’s style of play as she goes out to wage war on the court every single time. She committed 24 errors in the first seven games alone as it became probably difficult to focus on the ball let alone decide with lucidity where to hit it on the other court. Hey where is the net?! Or the shade?! It was pure Roman torture only that the lions turn out to be the despising sun rays eating everyone alive in front of the spectators (not exactly cheering for the athlete’s demise).

Is it not obvious that this is not your ordinary summer? It is global warming! That’s Al Gore’s inconvenient truth for you. Australian Open officials may have to revise the rules a tad bit, say, close the roof before skin cancer grows in front of you.

To refocus, Sharapova also had to overcome stomach cramps (too much sunny side ups, maybe) and called for the trainer. I assume she lost her shriek due to a parched throat. Where was that energy drink she is endorsing anyway? With her signature tenacity and family motto (whatever you do, just win) and despite losing the second set, she kicked it up a notch and dug so deep from her reservoir of experience and resolve to eventually perform a David Copperfield to eliminate the pricking world number 61 Camille Pin of France 6-3 4-6 9-7 in a hard-fought match.

And it is only the second day!